Time. it flows, moves and seems completely unaware of the havoc it wreaks. The silent killer of an entire population. Time. I look back on my life and wonder about time. Where did it go? why has it left me? I come to the realization it hasn't, only delayed its appearance in favor of a stealthier approach. A recent birthday at 23 and my life still hasn't gotten to the place i want it to be, i strive to live up to my vision in my dreams, i find it difficult to achieve that goal though. My art is stagnant, then its appropriate i think that my life is as well. Still stuck at home, Still unable to drive, Still not back in college. Only thing that has changed is my attitude and perceptions of the world and myself. oh and i got a job. that's good right?

I haven't had the urge to create a new website, or artwork in ages, im fearing ive lost my love to do it. I'm not sure where to go from here then, what will i do with my life if not art? Many such haunting thoughts plague me as of late, i push them from my mind when i can, but they always come back, needling thier way in and making themselves comfortable. The only bright spot was a relationship, one spent apart and then together with her, a simple embrace, a kiss speaking my thoughts for her. Lasting only a few minutes and then, its over, all of it.

I no longer have the drive, or ambitions to do what i want, or perhaps i never did. My mind is clouded, unfocused, wandering into many different paths, i don't know which one to take, where to go or what to do so i do nothing. I work and i sleep, i want friends, as many as i can get, i envision myself surrounded in a pub friends around me laughing as much as possible having a great time. but i have no time, i find it hard to make friends, defenses of past wrongs towards me as high as the sky pushing them back, never allowing them close. why get hurt when i can avoid it?

I'm hoping to get through it by being more outgoing, but i want to find people who are like that to help me break out of my shell. Maybe i should hit the bars, or parties...